When I go to the temple, i think and think and pray and pray that i can feel dad or be comforted by him. Is he actually there, or is it just my "wishful" thinking and hope? But i can honestly say, that i am unsure. Am i not in tune with the spirit enough? am i unrighteous? or is dad gone.
I always thought, especially in the temple, that i would have an overwhelming feeling of presence and comfort. when i am in holy places, i always think and hope and pray that dad is there too. but i am not having that SURE feeling of comfort or that SURE feeling that he IS there. I could not testify of any spiritual experiences where i felt him there. i have left the temple confused and feeling like the line between my hope and my reality is clouded.
i always wish i could have dad with me. but i am feeling the light dim. as everyone is scattered all over the states and busy with there lives, i am feeling very disconnected with my family and my "roots". i miss everyone everyday. any thoughts or advice for me on this??
love you all so much
janelle
Friday, September 23, 2011
my confusion
Posted by cobrakaidojo at 2:42 PM
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4 comments:
Good post, Janelle. I think it expresses something we all feel. I often feel that my only connection to Dad is through memories of him and that is saddening at times.
At different times, I can say that I have felt his presence and that he remains part of our lives, somehow cheering us on. I can count those instances on one hand. But, even as solemn as those instances have been for me, I still feel separated from him in daily life.
I was reading D&C 138 a week ago or so. This is the Prophet Joseph F. Smith's revelation on the spirit world. In verse 57, the Prophet writes:
"I beheld that the faithful elders of this dispensation, when they depart from mortal life, continue their labors in the preaching of the gospel of repentance and redemption, through the sacrifice of the Only Begotten Son of God, among those who are in darkness and under the bondage of sin in the great world of the spirits of the dead."
I feel the truth of this revelation. I feel that Dad is engaged in the Work of the Lord. With this Work comes the Spirit. In our current states of existence, one major thing that we can have in common with our Dad is the promise that we can go about our day with the Spirit of God as our companion.
As we strive to seek the Spirit, we will have greater insight into the eternal nature of life and feel closer to Dad who is engaged in the Work of the Lord.
I too, feel the same way a lot of the time.
On two separate occasions when I have been doing something that is completely unrelated to dad or temple work. A thought has entered my head out of nowhere. The thought being I need to do the work for my ancesters because dad is doing the work on the other side. So recently I have been engaged in family history work trying to find some names to do the work for in the temple. I have felt strongly to work on Grandma Hazel's line where she has left off. And have been having some success in my research.
As I have been doing family history work, I have felt a little closer to the other side. Like, something is pushing me to do the research and the work.
I also never forget something Grandma Boyer has told me. She being a geneology buff and always feeling very close to the other side of the veil. She has said that She KNOWS dad is aware of us and still has a special interest in our lives. And I feel like she is right. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way but I try remember things I have felt in the past and cling to those peaceful feelings that he knows what's going on with mom, with mike, with evan on his mission, and with the rest of us. I remember how nosey he use to be and don't think that aspect of his personality has changed with him. He's still nosey.
Those are things that I have felt to comfort myself. It is difficult to feel that way all of the time though.
Thanks for the post Janelle and Ryan.
Thanks for sharing Janelle. Those feelings are normal and we all feel that way to a certain extent. Life is about walking in faith, not having a sure knowledge. God wants to test us and teach us while we are on this earth, and so we have to excersise faith and posess hope.
You will Spirtiual experiences come according to the Lord's timetable. He knows your heart and will teach you line upon line.
Regarding your level of righteousness, I know you to be a very righteous person. Your are a great wife and mother and you're very sensatvie to peoples feelings. Your not perfect but God doesn't expect you to be perfect, He only expects you to be going in the right direction and trying to improve, which you are.
I hope these thoughts help. talk to you later.
Jon
You guys are really amazing! I've loved hearing your thoughts and feelings about Janelle's post. Janelle, I am glad that you are handling your feelings in a faithful way. By going to the temple and by being faithful consistently over time, I believe and hope you will find the peace you seek. I miss Dad very much. I am grateful to say that at least three times I have felt strong impressions that he's been close.
Everyone's different and everyone learns to feel spiritual feelings differently. I think you may want to evaluate whether or not you've had any spiritual promptings or feelings in your life lately. I've felt a dearth of the spirit in my life lately so I'm trying to really focus on my spirituality and hearing and listening to the promptings I receive. I'm hoping that if I get closer to the SPirit on a daily basis, I'll be able to feel more of Heavenly Father's love in my life and be able to feel Dad around more. I think its really a process that takes a lot of time and effort.
I too miss all my siblings and wish I could see you all more. I wonder if some of these feelings are coming because of the news about Grandma. I was devastated to hear that her health may be failing.
Anyways, hang in there and don't lose your faith. Hold on to what you've got and work to make it stronger.
Love,
Jen
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